It has been a long week but it has been a very calm week. I was able to reconnect with some supportive distant family member throughout the holiday as well.
This has really been the first time that I have been able to talk about very general abuse stuff with some of them. However, talking to my extended family members sometimes helps me to connect the dots when it comes to my childhood.
My older cousin told me when he learned of my abuse a few years ago he remembered that I was with him and his family on vacation and I was “homesick” but he said it was not like a “homesick” cry. He said that it was a scared and alone type of cry.
This makes me feel somewhat sad. We were crying out and desperately needed someone to notice us.
After my brother was born, we got pushed aside much of the time- many people “took care” of us and it caused us to never feel like we belonged anywhere. It felt like we were always in the way being pushed around between people’s homes and then finally right back to my abusers home.
The children I babysit wrestle during the winter and they always want me to watch their two-hour practices. Nevertheless, as I sit there and see all these kids run around a gym and do funny drills I cannot help but think are any of these kids being abused.
My aunt told me once that she would know if her kids were being abused because she said that she knows what signs to look for. But I told her that I don’t know if she would defiantly be able to tell-I mean it sounds great that she is educated about sexual abuse signs etc. But it is not a foolproof thing because some kids fall thru the cracks and are not noticed. I think even if you are an amazing parent, it can still happen to your child…