Loses and Gains

Four years ago, I truly began the journey towards wellness. I was hospitalized so much during the first year during healing. My body began to act out my truths through flashbacks and body memories.

Many people did not stick around during the really rough times. I lost my boyfriend of 6 years during that time. He found that he could not be in a relationship with a person who could not be touched or hugged. It was devastating because he was one of my best friends and I still do miss who he was and who I was when I was with him.

I scared many therapists away and got kicked out of many trauma programs and support groups because my body was reacting to my past. However, every one of those loses helped me to learn so much about myself. At one point, I had no therapist, psychiatrist or any type of supportive group to turn to- that is when I knew that I was the only one who could save myself.

I think that my flashbacks and body memories scared people to the extent that they forgot that I was suffering more than anyone was. I have never felt more alone than when friends, family and mental health professionals turned their back on me.

I never learned to listen to my body until I met with my current therapist. She taught me that my body was reacting like that because my parts were tired of keeping it all inside. When I finally started listening to my body, I began to have control over my life.

I am so thankful for the people who have remained in my life through the rough stuff. I think that many people including me forgot that nothing is forever and time can heal. I am at one of the better parts of my life because I beginning to feel what being free truly is. I am so very glad that I have learned to listen to my body because it has brought me to different level of truly living.

I used to just try to make it through the day but now I am anticipating the next day because I know that my life is different now because I am different and I am in control.

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7 thoughts on “Loses and Gains

  1. I love how you said that learning to listen to your body gave you control over your lift. That is so powerful. Something that I think I have neglected this past year. This is a good reminder.

    Freedom is a beautiful thing, and I love that you are living a life of anticipation instead of just making it through one more day. There is so much hope in that.

    Thank you for sharing this with the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse.

  2. Learning to listen to our bodies can be a real turning point in the healing process. I know it was for me.

    I am so glad that you are now anticipating tomorrow, instead of just trying to make it through the day. You so deserve that. Thanks so much for sharing this post with us for the blog carnival.

  3. Listening to our bodies is something we aren’t usually taught.

    This is huge!

    It is very sad to hear that you were left so alone. And it is also exhilarating to hear that because you were alone, you had to learn this.

    I’m glad to have found you!

    This is pretty amazing on your part!

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