Four years ago, I truly began the journey towards wellness. I was hospitalized so much during the first year during healing. My body began to act out my truths through flashbacks and body memories.
Many people did not stick around during the really rough times. I lost my boyfriend of 6 years during that time. He found that he could not be in a relationship with a person who could not be touched or hugged. It was devastating because he was one of my best friends and I still do miss who he was and who I was when I was with him.
I scared many therapists away and got kicked out of many trauma programs and support groups because my body was reacting to my past. However, every one of those loses helped me to learn so much about myself. At one point, I had no therapist, psychiatrist or any type of supportive group to turn to- that is when I knew that I was the only one who could save myself.
I think that my flashbacks and body memories scared people to the extent that they forgot that I was suffering more than anyone was. I have never felt more alone than when friends, family and mental health professionals turned their back on me.
I never learned to listen to my body until I met with my current therapist. She taught me that my body was reacting like that because my parts were tired of keeping it all inside. When I finally started listening to my body, I began to have control over my life.
I am so thankful for the people who have remained in my life through the rough stuff. I think that many people including me forgot that nothing is forever and time can heal. I am at one of the better parts of my life because I beginning to feel what being free truly is. I am so very glad that I have learned to listen to my body because it has brought me to different level of truly living.
I used to just try to make it through the day but now I am anticipating the next day because I know that my life is different now because I am different and I am in control.