There is a need that all mammals possess which is a necessity to be at an almost constant level of homeostasis. It is a primal drive that both humans and animals alike possess.  Much of the time, I feel like there is something missing.

There is still this gaping hole in my heart that consumes me sometimes. I have discovered what love is in the present but sometimes I think that it makes not having it in the past harder. I really do want to move forward and have goals but my past does stifle them at times.

It is not that I am broken or damaged- it is more a feeling of just a calm sadness. A sadness that I have accepted- after all the denying- I can now say that yes, this is hard and painful.

To admit that pain has been one of the hardest things thus far. My entire life I have pushed the pain away because I could not allow myself to accept something that is so unacceptable. The present pain is somewhat healing-that has allowed me to get to a different level. Maybe that the pain is somewhat balancing in itself-offering a validation that we have never felt.


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