I thought I was becoming more connected to my body. However, more recently I am starting to see that I am becoming farther away from being one with my body. Back in high school I ran cross-country I had a bit of an obsession when it came to training.
High school was during the pre-memory period so I did not realize that other people do not run for three hours straight without stopping. I did not realize that muscles could become tight from running. Because very much like today I do not feel it, I stretch because I was taught that during training. But I heard that some people feel things when they stretch.
I took a few years off from running during my lengthy hospital stays. This is off subject- but I think that a gym at a treatment facility would help lots of people. Ok, so anyway I started running everyday again in august and at first I just did it because I was bored. I would go on a morning run as the sun came up. I live in a very rural area and I like animals a lot so it’s a really nice way to wake up.
Now those morning runs are not enough because I find myself going running two times a day. It takes up a lot of my time but at the same time, it helps me to focus on my schoolwork so much more than I have ever been able to. It is really awesome because I can go running then take a shower and I can sit and do school work for hours on end without taking breaks.
Nonetheless, just like as in high school I do not get sore or tired or anything. The only thing I sense when I run is my iPod headphones in my ears. I refuse to run with a phone because the way I see it is what is the worst thing that could happen to me? Nothing because it already happened anything else would just be icing on the cake.
Even when my house burned down when I was in high school, my body did not react to it in a humanlike way. We were just kind of like okay and we just moved on. My therapist asked me recently if I can taste food inside my mouth and I told her yes. But now when I am really starting to think about it I really cannot taste food it is more of a feeling of texture than anything.
I wonder if and when my body and my mind finally decide to connect what I will feel.