My life happens in chapters. I start new ones everyday that I decide to thrive. I do know what I need most of the time. It is just so different to actually be that sure of these complicated things.
I go slowly, I take breaks constantly…Some days are unbearable but there are many good days when I really appreciate what I have accomplished.
I think I am facing one of the hardest parts of my life now and in years previous. However, recently I have wanted nothing more than to go back to the part where I was so numb and truly dead inside.
I was so confused about why I would want that. Then I realized that I was so used to that life or actually that dead existence that I had accepted as mine.
When I was all numb and lost, I could not feel love. I could not feel anyone’s hand in mine. I could not even hear the support in people’s voices when they spoke to me. I heard nothing, felt nothing and I was just at a point of nothingness.
I happen to love choices, and holding hands just hearing people’s voices. I love being alone not because I isolate just for the reason that I am just comfortable with myself. I love being with kids and letting them know that it is awesome to be different. I love organization and order-color coordination is always awesome.
I love knowing that my little monster who is “the middle child” thinks that it is super cool to be the middle child because of me.
Sometimes I find answers to things by redefining them. When I take a break step back and revisit things, it is less chaotic.
I have learned I can think clearer and hold my own hand when it gets scary.