Past the “Past”

It is the time of year when the leaves are changing. Its gets darker way earlier and the air becomes crisp and cold. Some people are excited about the change of seasons however, I am apprehensive.

Although I have changed a lot during the past year, many of my parts still stay stuck. They are trapped in a world of nothing but hurt, fear and abuse.  I seem to be more aware of these parts during the fall and winter months.

It is difficult for me to pay attention to all my parts all the time because there are so many. I try to do what I can but some days there is never enough time for them. That is not fair to them but that is just life.

Recently my therapist said something about how we wish we could erase our past etc..And we corrected her for the first time ever… I know that my life is not always ideal but I have gained a lot despite the absence and presents of many things.

I received a scholarship last week because of my ability to thrive. I try to focus on the positive, and all I wanted for so long was death. Which is the thing I escaped from during my abuse.

Therefore, when they called my name to accept my award, it was a very important moment, one that was just about the person who I chose to become. Many people cannot seem to see past my “past” because they refuse to accept that the world is evil. Those people unconsciously made a decision, which is one that I have no control over.

 

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