I wish I were the person you read about on this blog. A person who loves and is caring and who helps people. I am none of those things.

I do not face my fears I run from them as fast as I can. I do not allow anyone to connect with me and I am not even sure I want to be a therapist anymore.

I avoid people, places and things because I am socially inept. I have no idea how to have a relationship with anyone let alone give anyone advice.

I never tell people that I like them or even love them so I lose many friends that way.

Everything that happens to me is because I chose to neglect people as well as myself. I hurt people with my words and action and make more mistakes than the average person makes.

I have no idea what I am doing or what I want. In addition, I really do not care to continue this journey towards nothing because I am getting nowhere fast.


6 thoughts on “Nothing

  1. Is there something that happened recently that brought this up? Just wondering because anyone who even remotely thinks about becoming a therapist has to have some caring inside. Maybe you have it but sometimes can’t find the courage to express it.

  2. I think you know exactly where my response to this is going to go. It is okay to feel the way you feel, at all times. However, there is conclusive evidence to the contrary to everything you stated here.

    You have helped me more than any person on the planet, any book I’ve read, any therapist or therapy group I’ve ever been in. I find so much strength in you, and you give me a knock upside the head when I need it. Therefore, I know you care about me. And you show it in so many other ways, too. Like… driving a hundred miles to bring me a care package in an awesome sand-toy bucket.

    Whether you like it or not, you are a wonderful friend to me. You give me sound advice, you just listen sometimes when I need it, and you always support me and I can tell in what you say and in how you act that you want what is best for me. You were so very caring when I told you what happened yesterday–and I can’t thank you enough for that. And as I said, I do promise!! ;)

    You have on quite a few occasions told me you love me and how much you care–and besides, I can see it in your actions that you do–which is even more important than what you say.

    Statistically, I highly doubt you make more mistakes than the average person. Everybody makes mistakes, that’s why they’re called mistakes in the first place. And you make lots of awesome decisions for yourself, and ones that help people you care about.. and I am very proud of you for those choices.

    It is totally okay for you to feel burnt out, like you have no idea where this is going… and to feel your feelings. But, as you always remind me, I don’t need to drown in my own feelings. You have skills to use to get yourself un-stuck. And when you can’t employ them, or need help, you have a support system that cares about you likely more than you could probably conceive. You are my best friend and I love you very much.

  3. Okay, none of us are the person that our friends love. They see us with the eyes of love. We survivors see ourselves, though we might not know it, in an equally skewed way, sometimes with the eyes of hate. The truth is perhaps, as always, somewhere in the middle. It is okay to have tons of problems, we are survivors of abuse and we are trying to reach out and we are trying to heal, even when we are running from it all, we are trying to heal.

    You are much nicer than you think you are and seriously it is easy to see that you care about others, no matter how difficult that may be for you to deal with or to acknowledge.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.


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