I have noticed the past few years that I tend to have a hard time during the summer months. While everyone is having a good time, I seem to be overcome with depression. When I get depressed, I isolate because then no one can hurt me at a very vulnerable point in my life.
It is more like a punishment for myself rather than a coping mechanism. I am working on letting people who support me into my life. I am fearful of contamination onto others.
I used to reach out all the time. However, I was reaching out to the wrong people at the wrong times. I lost many things after that.
I want love to prevail and to trump evil, the truth to be told and secrets to be non-existent.
I wish I could separate the past from the present and think clearly and rationally.
Thoughts are too fast and disorganized for comprehension, just some kind of mangled tangled mess…one that I do not have to sort out alone or all at once.
I do not want to forget my past because it makes me who I am even if it is not so good. I love people even though people tried to break me. I try to find the good in every situation even when there seems to be none.
I live vicariously through song lyrics so this song has been the soundtrack to the past few weeks. Its by Daughtry and its called “Life After You” [All that I am after is a life full of laughter. I’m thinkin’ that all that still matters is love ever after. After the life, we’ve been through].