Fall

Some days I just do not get anything. I wonder why I still do so many things that I do. Self-sabotage is the un-succession of my current life. Everything is a chain reaction. Sometimes I get so angry at everything. And at myself for needing things.

My little cousin is three years old and he recently started doing this thing where he recites (many times a day) everyone that he loves. The list has gotten rather lengthy nevertheless; he understands what love is because his mom and dad say it to him many times a day.

Most of the time I just observe little kids with their parents because I do not really know what is supposed to happen within the parent-child relationship. An extreme disconnection continues to keep me in a perplexed state.

I find it so sweet when the three year old says I love you to me. However, I never know what to say back? I mean I do love him a lot but I do not really know if I really know how to love people.

Sometimes I am not sure of anything. Everything seems abstract and I just do not know what is right or even appropriate.

Therefore, I find myself just standing still a lot of the time. While the world just passes me by.

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