This journey that I am on towards whatever it becomes, is traveled one day, one hour and one minute at a time. Sometimes the road is rough and broken and I want to give up. Nevertheless, sometimes the road leads me to support and love.
This month marks a full year without meds. However, it is not just about life without meds by any means. It is about life with choices. It is as if I just learning I am a person with choices. Sometimes I do realize how much I have changed.
I know how bad it can get. I have had years of darkness and rejection. Through all the darkness, I have gained something. I have gained a sense of self, something that I did not have previously.
I am not in a particular great place but I think that is okay. I have no idea what anything is or what it will become. But I do know what I do have.
I do have a few people who support me and are on my side. I have three beautiful little monsters that always make me smile. I have friends who listen to me (& my parts) on both good days and bad. I have my twitter buddies and everyone who reads my blog.
The thing that nearly brought tears to my eyes recently was when I told my little monster that I could not hug him. And he replied, “That is okay, I will hug you with my eyes”.
That shows me that it is possible. It is possible to have a relationship with someone without touch. It also gives me a sense of hope that my 5 year old monster can learn that you do not have to hug someone to give them love.
Right now, I am celebrating life but tomorrow may be different. It is all in the journey.