There are “bad” days and then there are “BAD” days. Ok, so a lower case bad day is when I just feel whatever for just that day and then I go to sleep and then I feel better.
Uppercase BAD days are those days that linger onto other days. It is like a fog or a heavy dark cloud that lays over the horizon. Uppercase BAD days are when I really want to throw in the towel, quit therapy and build a tree house to live in forever.
I had one of those recently.
The dissociation is so thick, I felt dizzy, and like I am going to vomit for days. I get that feeling when I am in between switches.
Usually I can just suck it up, go to school, and pretend I am one of those intellectuals. This time I could not, people in my class actually asked me if I was okay.
I really wanted to say no, “there’s too many parts talking at once right now, and no one is listening to me”. Nevertheless, I did not.
Sometimes I want people to know because I want them to understand my (our) thought process (es). I want people to know that I have a whole world inside my head. Instead, they probably think I say childish things and that I have delusions of grandeur.
One of my parts is convinced that external people can hear our internal chatter. It does not sound like such a bad idea I think maybe people would be able to understand better…