The little things seem to matter right now; the feeling of my shaggy carpet, the softness of my therapists’ skin. The sun beaming through the trees, the smell of the grass and the soft music playing.
However, the little things are also my biggest obstacles right now. The small insignificant things are making sense. A sense that I wish was not present.
I am torn because a part of me wants to continue to do “the work” and another wants to run and hibernate away from the world.
Hibernation is the safe comfortable thing for me to do, however it may not be the most beneficial thing for me to do.
This decision is one that will not be made over night, it is a very well thought out endeavor. The dichotomy is one that I seem to face every spring.
I am scared of progress. Progress means that I will have to move farther out of my comfort zone.
Nevertheless, becoming more comfortable internally at the same time something I am scared of for various reasons.
I have been compiling a list of reasons to not continue communication internally. But the reasons to continue always seem to outweigh it.
So I am here.
Just standing still.
Trying to decide on something that feeling un- decidable.