I have been thinking about things both therapeutically and non-therapeutically.
On the therapeutic side I am exploring what exactly is DID therapy. I am trying to figure out the fast track to healing. I know that may sound unrealistic however, that is what I want right now.
I work with a therapist who knows a lot about DID which I am so thankful for.
Nevertheless I feel that 45 minutes a week isn’t really going to get me on that fast track and I am not about to wait years to wait for healing I want it right now.
Therefore, I need to find another way to have healing in the past tense.
Healing from DID may not necessarily attained by just sitting on a couch for 45 minutes every week. DID therapy may be learning how to live with the adaptation of parts, alters, personas. Learning to manger your symptoms safely and finding purpose.
I have constant internal chatter I guess because I am polyfragmented. And at times it overwhelms me and I have been exploring the idea of integration and I am scared that when I do integrate I will be lonely. I have no idea what quiet is, and the unknown is scary to me.
So, I think integration does not have to always happen in order to heal either. I think as long as a person can communicate with parts and maintain somewhat of internal calmness I think that could be healing in the past tense.
Nevertheless, I could be totally wrong about that because I do not have internal calmness or am I integrated. Those are just my grandeurious thoughts of the past few days :)