Lately I have been thinking a lot, maybe too much. I am not sure that I know what I want. I just am so confused and scattered.
School used to be my way to show myself that I can achieve things and get good grades.
However, lately I have not been able to focus. I have been barely passing tests because I cannot stay present in lectures. During tests, I have increased hypervigilance, which is something I did not have last semester. When I am trying to read anything, I can feel myself separating from my body.
I am so frustrated that I cannot focus on school or anything right now.
I just want to eat cereal. I want to eat cereal with milk.
I want to be able to participate in my friendships or whatever I have left of them I cannot because I am so overwhelmed by my internal world right now that everything seems to get drowned out.
When I look in the mirror, I do not see myself. I have no idea who I see or actually, what I want to see. I am trying to find my sense of self within all of the chaos both internal and external and I am not sure it is possible.
I think I need to reevaluate everything.