I Just Want To Eat Cereal With Milk..

Lately I have been thinking a lot, maybe too much. I am not sure that I know what I want. I just am so confused and scattered.

School used to be my way to show myself that I can achieve things and get good grades.

However, lately I have not been able to focus. I have been barely passing tests because I cannot stay present in lectures. During tests, I have increased hypervigilance, which is something I did not have last semester. When I am trying to read anything, I can feel myself separating from my body.

I am so frustrated that I cannot focus on school or anything right now.

I just want to eat cereal. I want to eat cereal with milk.

I want to be able to participate in my friendships or whatever I have left of them I cannot because I am so overwhelmed by my internal world right now that everything seems to get drowned out.

When I look in the mirror, I do not see myself. I have no idea who I see or actually, what I want to see. I am trying to find my sense of self within all of the chaos both internal and external and I am not sure it is possible.

I think I need to reevaluate everything.


4 thoughts on “I Just Want To Eat Cereal With Milk..

  1. Sorry that you are struggling. It was a different story for me in college as it was what saved me – on a daily basis. Because my T was always available to help me, the moments of dissociation/struggle were quickly resolved. Maybe you need a break, or fewer credits to work with. — Thinking of you…

    • Thanks for keeping me in your thoughts. My professor is letting me write a paper to help my test grade (I am beyond thankful for that). I do need a break…I need to figure out my next move, but admitting that I need that is another story. Take Care.

    • I want to oil paint on canvas right now. But yes, coloring helps me. I get angry when my parts want to stay inside the lines. Lines are so restricting. I cant eat cereal with milk bc I have an aversion to it. One day hopefully I’m going to eat it. Take Care.

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