The Sunset That Captured My Heart

Nine years ago, when my Godmother died I thought my life was over.

As she was the only one who truly loved me. I could no longer escape to her house and just be myself. For so long I did not feel accepted by anyone else.

Without her, there was a void in my life & a huge hole in my heart that could never be filled.

However, something wonderful and unexpected happened. My first little cousin aka “my little monster” was born. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, so innocent and just perfect. From the first time I looked at him, I knew he was so special.

After I saw the baby, I went to my Godmother’s grave and talked to her. I told her that this sweet boy is so special to me. And, that I want to give him the same kind of “good specialness” that she gave me as a child.

I am not religious per se, but I think I have some type of spirituality in my life. With that said, as I was driving home, I saw the most beautiful sunset I had ever seen. I knew it had to be a sign.

The baby who is no longer a baby is now seven years old. He is the oldest monster out of the three boys. They are all  growing up so fast. In addition, becoming the most caring and sweet boys I have ever known.

We have our “good special” days almost every week.

Sometimes I just think about them and tears of happiness come. I just love watching them grow up safe. I am so thankful to have these three boys in my life. They are the child that I never was so free and innocent.

I never knew I could love someone so much. These three boys have totally captured my heart.


5 thoughts on “The Sunset That Captured My Heart

  1. Ivory,
    Your comment reminds me of a quote. “You’re never too old to have a happy childhood.” I think it is so true and so comforting to live vicariously through others at times. And, Thanks I love that I have them in my life too :)

    Take Care.

  2. Nice post.

    I like this story. A man asks another man. “Do you think I have been lucky in life.” The other mans replies. “I do not know you haven’t died yet.”

  3. Hope,

    The more work I do I find that SRA MKULTRA and WRA (Witch Craft Abuse) have different effects and need different solutions than other types of trauma. As there is less known about these effects there is less known about what heals and what does not.

    With the help of psychoanalysis and expressive therapy I am creating a way to heal for what I experienced as I child and what I experience as an adult. This often means rejecting what is known about other types of trauma.

    I feel this is a good site for what I experienced. It was INTENSE for me and sent me into a tad of a tailspin.

    This is not a worse than thing. It is a different than thing. An acceptance of I know little about trauma that others experienced and they know little about the trauma I experienced.

    As I understand it your family like mine was not involved in the creating the trauma. When I was a child they were responsible for me and they did not keep me safe. They were up against hundred of years of experience traumatizing children. They failed. That is OK I will not.

    Journey on,


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s