The concept of acceptance and belonging may go hand and hand. One may get the feeling of acceptance from belonging somewhere. However, for trauma survivors both belonging and acceptance can be nonexistent.
All of our lives we may feel as though we never belong anywhere, possibly always feeling like the outside, the odd man out or the alien. Through ones healing journey they may try to relinquish those feelings.
When I first learned my multiplicity was a “disorder”, I entered a trauma specific program. I had many symptoms for a while as a result of my childhood trauma. Nevertheless, when I would have a flashback I was always viewed as totally “abnormal”.
I am very self-conscious about my flashbacks because I always feel disruptive. Other trauma survivors in the program started talking about how disruptive I was to the program, which I totally understand because I would feel the same way.
However, what happened next I do not understand, I was forced to leave by the therapists and the psychiatrist. There was no discharge plan done, I had no therapist at the time and had nowhere to go.
I asked for a reason why and was told, “I did not belong in the trauma program”.
I also had a similar experience on a trauma inpatient unit. I was denied admission because “the treatment team did not think that I belonged there”. I have always felt that I never belonged anywhere and my experience with these confirmed my feelings. Even in trauma specific treatment programs I did not belong.
I have been thinking about this lately as I formulate plans for my career. I think that multiples deserve excellent high-class treatment facilities. We deserve to have the best food, therapists and equine therapy. In addition, we deserve to have the option of residential treatment.
Multiples deserve to feel accepted in programs that are designed for trauma disorders.
With that said, I have some really big ideas for a treatment facility that I am designing in the near future. I cannot disclose all of the details but it is going to be a ranch. It will be either a low cost or a totally free facility. In addition, I have been developing a new model of treatment. I feel that many psychological perspectives could be implemented in my model.
I am excited to see what happens. I may not be able to change to world but I can try to change a little piece of it.