Keep Them Safe..

Yesterday I spent the day with my three little cousins aka “My Little Monsters”. These sweet boys are the light of my life. I know that when they tell me they love me its real.

My silly little boys have no idea what kind of evil there is in the world. They do not have to worry about predators. The only thing that they worry about is missing an episode of SpongeBob Square pants. They are little, precious and innocent.

Last night as I was putting them to bed, they asked me to stay in their room until they went to sleep. I did because I like them to feel safe. As I watched them drift off into dreamland, I started feeling sad. I just looked at those precious little babies as they slept peacefully and tears started to fall from my eyes. When I look at those boys, I see that they are so helpless and small.

 I realized how safe they are and how unsafe I actually was during my childhood.

My littlest cousin is turning three in a few weeks, and it has been bothering me because one of my parts is three. It is that I just picture a three year old as something much bigger and stronger than he is. When I look at him, I still see a baby. He still likes to be held, rocked and comforted.

When I see my littlest insiders, I do not see them as children, because they are not children. I never got to do childlike things. I had to do grown up things from a very young age. Baby-like things never existed. I never had the chance to be a child. In addition, I do not get a second chance to redo childhood. It is over, done, history.

However, when I look at my little cousins, I see three sweet innocent boys who are safe from abuse. They just look up to me with their big brown eyes and I just want to hold them and keep them safe forever.

I always think and wonder how anyone could hurt a child…


5 thoughts on “Keep Them Safe..

  1. When I am being charitable I see that part of the denial of society in general about abuse is that most of us can not imagine anyone wanting to abuse a child.

    I too look at other children and babies and am dumbstruck about how small and vulnerable I was.

    It is my believe that younger parts do develop past the age that they became a separate part. Not fully develop yet they do not stay the same age. Some things are processed to some degree.

    Using the example of a three year old. As a three year old I did not understand the dynamics of a parent being afraid of moving the way a three year old part would in the now.

    • Michael,

      I never realized that parts can age till I read your comment. I think seeing little kids is a major reality check for some. I am sometimes scared to be around them esp girls. I know I would never hurt them but I’m just nervous I guess..

      Take Care, Be Well.


  2. Raising my own young’n, who is much like me (without my past), is on the one hand, a part of my healing journey, because I am re-parenting myself as I parent her. On the other hand, it can also be a great source of grief and sometimes, triggers, for the person I might have been had I not the burdens I carried so young–plus it’s darn hard to have two logics–one who does her best to manage and guide both the child before her AND the inner child who is screaming and fighting just as loudly. (I am one of those who did not develop fully separate id’s, but instead dislodged from my own body, and has trouble existing in the “material” plane) i feel sad for the hurt that people can cause, but feel fortunate to be able to know such capacity for empathy and loving my child–all of our children–and also know that this capacity can only help keep them safe and strong from such ridiculously deep pain.

    • Hey Raedelsol,

      I can’t fully understand exactly what your saying because I am not a parent yet. But I can understand it from my view point of a godmother. However, I am really nervous when my godsons go to their friends houses or they go with people I don’t know or people I know.

      I think that the logic is that we want to let them explore the world but we are so careful w/ them because we know about evil and abuse. I do not want my godsons to ever feel what I feel. I dont want them to ever feel like they are not accept because they did the right thing.

      It sounds like you are a really good parent. I think you have a good idea what is important in life and childhood. I think that can make all the differnce.

      Thanks for commenting & Its good to hear from you :)


  3. Pingback: The Sunset That Captured My Heart « Hope for Trauma

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