I have learned that evil does truly exist and it resides in my home.
The last few years many people in my life are not who I thought they were. The ordinary people are not actually like what they presented to me previously. Many things were revealed that make me realize what kind of people they actually are.
The last people I would expect this from were the first people to do it.
I see those games they play. The manipulative tactics used and the fakeness towards everyone on the outside. They ask, “Why I distance myself from them” but they already know the answer to that. I was given away because I was not planned and not wanted. Then when it was convenient, was taken back.
They think paying for all this therapy is going to change me back to “that person”, I was before; I think they had better ask for their money back.
I am not going to change back to that person and nor do I want to go back to that person. My so-called family does not get to choose who I become now, I do. I will not be like them or anyone in their family that is for sure. They make it very clear that I am not like anyone.
The damage is done now and no one can go back.
I did not sign up to be traumatized but it happened and I am choosing to heal. I am thankful for the money I am getting for therapy but I do not like being told I am a burden because of it.
However, this is my favorite thing of all, buy my siblings cars for their birthdays and do not buy me one because my parents already bought me something, down payments for inpatient hospitalizations. When I get my PhD, I will pay them back, not because I feel bad. Because I do not want them to be able to say that, they helped me in anyway.
They do not get to benefit from my success. My therapist told me something I had never heard before she said that my family is lucky that I choose to have a relationship with them after what they did to me. It sounded good but weird at the same time. I did not realize that I had a choice; I just thought I had to have a relationship.
My family hurt me and continues to hurt me. Right now, I choose not to forgive them because they are not sorry. However, it could change, as I cannot predict the future.