We always dread the fall and winter months. It is always a very difficult time for us. For the past 3 years, we have been hospitalized for most of September and October. This year is somehow different. We do not plan on a hospitalization anytime soon. Well, because we are med-free right now and we would like to keep it that way. One of our therapists wants us to make an appointment with a psychiatrist because we have not been able to sleep, but we do want to so we are not.
Whoever is the front around my family has been doing a good job at making my family believe everything is perfectly fine. The reason we know this is that our therapist said our mom called him and told him that we are doing “great” at home. That made him laugh a lot because our therapist knows we are not doing “great”. The thing is: we have not seen or talked to anyone outside our immediate family in almost 4 months. If our family sees that as doing great, they need therapy! We just have been finding it so much better if we avoid talking to people. Then we do not have to lie when people ask that question “How are you doing?” it is just easier.
We avoid stores at all cost, excessively triggering. On Halloween, we are not sure what we are going to do. People-wearing costumes are what we have avoided since we were 5 years old. Seriously, who thinks it is cute for a kid to wear a black robe on Halloween? We defiantly do NOT!
This Halloween our main therapist is going to be on vacation, he is going on vaca for THREE whole weeks in October. We know if we go to another therapist if we have a hard time during the break and we say we are suicidal we are going to be forced inpatient. However, our main therapist knows how scary hospitals are for us and would not hospitalize us unless we had a specific date, time, and a place. Although we do trust our other therapists, we do not trust then like hospital wise. Our other therapists know about PTSD and MDD but not really, about DID.
We do not really know what we are planning on doing IF we have a hard time. We are hoping we do not but we need to be prepared. We have one more session with our therapist this week so we are going to try to come up with a plan. That is the only rational thing we can think of right now. We cannot risk being put inpatient because last time we got restrained (chemically and physically) while having a flashback. It was one the scariest experiences.
If anyone has an ideas on what we can do to prepare please let us know.