Everyone is talking about forgiveness, as if it is something special that cures everything. However, forgiveness is not a new thing at all. Forgiveness has been glorified for years. Forgiveness usually means there’s an apology involved, but for abuse survivors an “I’m sorry” is almost non-existent.
Does everyone need to forgive? I asked my therapist this today. He said that there two kinds of forgiveness: the spiritual kind and the empowerment kind. Some people have this belief that if you forgive your abuser you can “move on”. The old saying to “forgive and forget”, makes everyone inside us so angry. We do not want to forgive and although we want to forget, we know that is not possible. Nevertheless, how can you forgive someone who is not sorry, that what my insiders are saying?!?
Hope’s family is saying that we need to forgive them and we need to move on. We see all of our family as big religious advocates and that is fine because that is their choice. Everyone has a choice in life, people who choose to do bad things like those that hurt children should not be forgiven in our eyes.
We see forgiveness as a personal choice. If forgiving an abuser helps, you then do it. However, forgiveness should not be something forced upon a person. We had enough things forced on us why do we need more. We have choices now and we can decide for ourselves.