Forgive and Forget

Everyone is talking about forgiveness, as if it is something special that cures everything. However, forgiveness is not a new thing at all. Forgiveness has been glorified for years. Forgiveness usually means there’s an apology involved, but for abuse survivors an “I’m sorry” is almost non-existent.

Does everyone need to forgive? I asked my therapist this today. He said that there two kinds of forgiveness: the spiritual kind and the empowerment kind. Some people have this belief that if you forgive your abuser you can “move on”. The old saying to “forgive and forget”, makes everyone inside us so angry. We do not want to forgive and although we want to forget, we know that is not possible. Nevertheless, how can you forgive someone who is not sorry, that what my insiders are saying?!?

Hope’s family is saying that we need to forgive them and we need to move on. We see all of our family as big religious advocates and that is fine because that is their choice. Everyone has a choice in life, people who choose to do bad things like those that hurt children should not be forgiven in our eyes.

We see forgiveness as a personal choice. If forgiving an abuser helps, you then do it. However, forgiveness should not be something forced upon a person. We had enough things forced on us why do we need more. We have choices now and we can decide for ourselves.


4 thoughts on “Forgive and Forget

  1. Hi,

    I also struggle with the concept of forgiving the abusers. I don’t understand it or how it can be done. But, I do think we need to learn how to forgive ourselves. We weren’t to blame for what happened to us, yet we often layer self-disgust and self-blame on top of each other. If we can stop this process and forgive ourselves, maybe we can look at forgiving as described by your therapist…

    Take care,

    • Hey Castorgirl,

      I do think that we need to forgive ourselves before we can forgive anyone else. I really want to skip that step. But I know I shouldn’t.

      The thing that I fear the most is having to look all everything I have known all my life and seeing that they are not really what they seem. Everything and everyone is a coverup..esp family.

      Its hard to see that it wasn’t me because I seems like I am getting rejected. And that indirectly send the message to all my insiders that they are bad.

      Thanks for your comment. Sorry it took so long for us to get back to you.

      Take Care

  2. Hi Hope,

    I hear a lot about forgiveness. When I do I always am reminded of what Jesus taught his followers to forgive, and to pray, forgive me of my sins as you forgive me. Simon Peter had come to Jesus and asked him how many times do I have to forgive my brother who has sinned against me. Jesus had told him as many times as your brother goes to you, is sincerely sorry, and asks for forgiveness. I just wonder, how many survivors have ever experienced that? I never have.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.


    • Hey Kate,

      I also wonder that too. I have never had anyone be sincerely sorry or ask for forgiveness, when it comes to abuse stuff.

      Maybe its possible? I don’t really know.

      There are inconsistant messages being sent when we hear about forgiveness. I guess we just have to decide for ourselves.

      Thanks for your comment. Take Care

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